I’m not sure the title of this blog post is exactly on point, but now that I have your attention… 🙂
There are multiple schools of thought when it comes to how to approach dating, but there are three of them that really stand out in my mind:
- Duty Dating
- Circular Dating
- Laser Dating
What is Duty Dating?
I know what you’re thinking. Duty dating? That’s a thing?? Yes, it’s a thing. It’s a term coined by communication and relationship expert Dr. Pat Allen to describe a style of dating, if you will. Regular dating is the way most people date – based on mutual attraction. Duty dating, at least as I understand it, is the type of dating you do when you are dating to practicing your dating skills, and is not based on chemistry. Basically, you’re dating someone you normally wouldn’t date, much less be attracted to, and you’re giving them at least three dates to grow on you before you decide to keep on keeping on until you find your boo.
What is Circular Dating?
Circular dating is a term I believe is coined by relationship expert Rori Raye. This term refers to the process of dating multiple people at the same time in order to maintain power in relationships and boost self-esteem as a natural byproduct. The whole idea behind the concept is taking your focus away from finding the “One” and instead focus on YOU. But I think it’s really about not laying all your eggs in one basket, and not getting your hopes up prematurely until you’ve at least had the DTR talk. It make sense. If the person you really like isn’t making an effort to date you, but someone else is putting in the time and the effort, then who are you going to take more seriously for a relationship? The person who shows up when it counts or the person who doesn’t show up at all? It goes back to the whole idea of “focus on you” and he who gives attention gets attention!
What is Laser Dating?
Laser dating is a term I first heard about by a relationship expert named Lauren Frances, aka The Flirt Fairy. Laser dating is the exact opposite of duty dating and involves only dating people who fit the criteria of what you’re looking for in a relationship. It’s about knowing what you want and not deterring from it for any reason. At least as I understand. There’s not a whole lot out there on the interwebs that talks about this style of dating. I actually read about it briefly in an email newsletter and the term stuck with me ever since.
Natural Progression of Dating
So how do these three methods of dating add up in the grand scheme of love? Well, each of these dating methods sort of represent the natural progression of dating. If you’re newly single for the first time in years, or have zero experience with dating, then “duty dating” is the perfect way to get your feet wet and practice interacting with the opposite sex so that by the time you meet someone you actually like, you won’t fuck it up completely. From there, you start picking out your favorites and you naturally progress to circular dating until one person steps up to DTR – that’s define the relationship, in Millennial-speak, in case you were wondering. And by the time that relationship starts falling apart before it really began, you’ve become so jaded that laser dating becomes your only option – only, you’re going on waaay fewer dates and you’re a little out of practice and so you resolve to start the whole damn cycle of dating all over again.
I should have named this blog “The Cycle of Dating” now that I think about it. Ah, well, too late. What if I told you there was a better way to approach dating? Stay tuned, and you’ll find out!